photo: medindia.netIf I eat, the music stops
My hair, I chop - - -
toss strands to the shore
for more
than bare naked skies
Stars fall
to the sand
on deaf eyes
turned inward
I lie
about my place in the universe
and worse
I am the center
of it
Your twin
You win
I fail
in bare comparison
to you
We’re in
the same spot
You eat
I do not
I equate
what I ate
to my (self )
I hate
the image
whom
in the mirror
in my room
I dare
to care
to see life beyond this mortal world
somewhere out there
a girl
I abhor
side/ by my side
at my door
outside/in
as I groom
bone on skin
where I live
within
LDN
The first line is really important - I like this one a lot, but I think if it just began with "if I eat, the music stops," takes this poem out of being about a paranoia and into the realm of the real sickness. I don't think this woman is afraid to eat, I think she CANT eat - wherein the disease lies.
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, critiquing poems is probably my favorite thing to do besides writing them, so tell me if I overstep by doing so.
AH! Thank you - I love being critiqued. You are correct. Can I somehow copy/paste the poems from the blog to save in my word docs.? I change them and then can't copy/paste the poems to save elsewhere...?
ReplyDeleteClick on the little pencil at the bottom of the post and you can edit your poems in blogger.
ReplyDeleteI got that - but when I preview or post the lines are all separated funny - so I go to HTML, and erase all the weird markings - and hit Compose - a long process - but until I get it - so be it.
ReplyDelete